Friday, July 14, 2006
13July
I woke up with a sore throat or I slept with a sore throat, whichever way my sore throat is still there and it hurts. The day started off gloomy ans depressing. I was practically nua-ing my way around school and what made it worst was Violet wasn't in school(she ponned obviously) and so I was left to nua by myself. Maddy was so lukewarm towards me and it felt like everything was working against me- my results, my friends and definitely my mood. My body was there but my heart and soul was in different realm. Something in me told me that today was gonna be mean like it was foreboding something. Something like an omen.
But fortunately enough, I made a lunch date with E and E took all that glum away. (for the meantime at least)
Ate ice monster.
Fooled around in Cold storage, picking and choosing the nicest wrapper of gummies. Note: nicest wrapper NOT gummy. Haha
Told me not to eat chocolates from Cold Storage because the cows used to produce the milk had mad cow diease. Mind you she said it in the MOST serious manner which probably is what made it so comical. Haha
Made fun of/ laughed at the Cold storage cashier girl who had frumbly socks with lacey top and the black shoes that were so tightly velcro-ed.
Haha frankly, time spent with you is fun. Great fun though nothing much was done but the little it was it cheered me up :)
Bottomline is: I missed you.
Know girl, you probably don't know how am i doing or anything detailed about me since we had become akin to strangers but you really made me smile more than i ever could in months. And yesterday sorta reminded me of the times we had spent (2 years plus 3) together. It'll be 29 July in 15 days meaning a year since we have broken up. You'll never be forgotten but ever so-cherished as my dearest monkay. Trust me when i promise you this. I guess there is no point in reminicsing because you'll never come back to me after how i had been so mean to you and all. But I hope you'll remember the promise you made to me on that tennis ball you gave me. I don't know about you but I have held on to those words for as long as i could remember and closest to my heart. Perhaps it is because the times we spent together were irreplaceable and forever etching a place in the deepest portion of my heart.
Right. I thought the day had turned out to be blissful once more but boy was i wrong. The fucking SHIT day was just about to begin. Firstly, to start with some idiot with the no 938_ _ _ _ _ apparently messaged my mum and told her to watch over her daughters well. Like who the hell is that?!? What do you have to do with me?? None of your freaking business asshole!! So anyway, when i got home, my mother asked to check my bag and well she found my sticks. Okay if there wasn't bad enough, she had to check my phone. Like hello?!? Privacy?!? She never ever learned the meaning to that word actually. So fine, she found C's messages. I mean is she stupid or what? Doesn't she realise that her daughter is different and she needs her space and watching over her like a hawk is never gonna mend their relationship. I can forgive you for the THAT BLOW you gave me on the lip (since it had been countless times already) But calling C up and ranting at her was so UN-CALLED for and my last straw.
You make me so miserable. Life's a curse with misery (misery=you) so why live it? But then again I realised you were not worth dwelling my sorrow on.
Like excuse me?!? Scold me, punch me, hit me, kill me. Do whatever you wish to me but don't ever bring C into the picture. She's innocent. She probably hates me to the core now and perhaps nothing I do is gonna amend the situation. Calling her up and warning her never to message me again and sorta implicating her for my bad results. (???) Makes no fucking sense. It is NOT her fault!!!!!!!!
Well, that idiot has gotta be blamed actually. Life was a bliss till YOU fucking came along and I'm hope you're glad that you have spoilt something or rather EVERYTHING.
ARGH..Nothing I say or do will ever make it clear to her so I'd rather live in a world of my own and leave her otu of my life. If you leave me alone and STOP screwing my life over and over again. Maybe then will I see that your intentions of caring for me is actually genuine. You gotta let me go.
14 July
Miss TVV wanted to see me personally and I thought to myself: oh Crap, Guess my mother had probably spoken to her about my problem(s) and all. So I was anticipating the worst-an hour long lecture(?)
The conversation:
Miss TVV: DEBORAH, I've got good news for you!(smiles)
(frowns) In my head, HUh??? Good news? What the shit? Don't tell me she wanted to say thank you for making the Service-Learning a success??? Haha. What the heck?
Deb: Hmm.. miss tan.. what is it??
Miss TVV: DEBORAH.. just to let you know you did really well for your SPA exam (chem). When I was marking, I was like 'WOW... very good... VERY VERY good. WOAH.. EXCELLENT!!' So I say my dear girl, take heart! You can do it! It's a matter of not giving up. I believe you've got the capacity to do it. Just try your best!
(shocked)Deb: oh ermm..thank you miss tan, I appreaciate it. But my chemistry grades are dipping terribly.Miss TVV: Hmm... What are the problems you are facing? I realised you look troubled these few days. You're a pretty girl DEBORAH. You should smile more.
(smiles sheepishly)Deb: urmmm..okay thanks miss tan. Actually initailly, I found it really futile to study because everytime I start to, I just feel so tired and I just end up giving up while hoping for the best to happen even a miracle. Like everything could just fly into my brain.
Miss TVV:(laughs) Is it because you're emotionally tired?
Hmm.. oh boy that actually started me thinking. Was I really physically tired or was I just emotionally drained?? Emotionally drained. Like I don't want to go on no more.
Not ready for goodbye- ALL 4 ONE
Cos you're the one that led me here, so take me.