You ask if I'm alright. It had been a joke to say I'm fine. Putting on a smile doesn't hide all the pain I feel inside. I always thought that if you left me alone then I'd be liberated but I guess it's the reverse. Your care for me is bountiful but I find it hard to walk the path you want.

Things at home are not exactly fine.
1) My mum isn't talking to me.
2) My sister messaged this morning:
"Mummy is sick. Don't know why she just fainted on the floor. Has high fever and don't know what. Keeps crying also."
"She doesn't wanna eat or drink. Put wet towel on her face also don't want. Just now she asked me to read to her ah ma's fav passage in the bible. The valley of darkness one. Like she wants to die or something. I cooked the porridge already but she also don't want to eat."
3) It hurts alot when I see my mum in this state, I blame myself for all these. She found out things she shouldn't have and I guess it angered/saddened her.
4) I'm drifting myself away.
5) I wanna find solace in you because I find comfort when I confide in you but in my mum's eyes you're not exactly the one I should turn to. Even then, sometimes I find it hard to open up to you.
6) I don't know how things can get better. I don't even know how to help myself.

-I type these here, is not for to judge me. I'm like everyone of you, just a little different. I can't hide this anymore, pretending that I'm alright.